Hey friends! Sorry it has been a while since my last post. Again, we cannot wrap our minds around the fact that we reached our fundraising goal so quickly! You guys are incredible!
These past few weeks have been pretty busy between Spring Break, STAAR prep at school, and trying to complete more of the adoption paperwork.
For those of you who are curious about what the process entails, here are some of the things we’ve had to (or will have to) turn in so far:
–Financial Disclosure Sheet: This is basically a lengthy document that lists all of our assets/ liabilities and monthly expenses. We definitely didn’t have to provide this much information to purchase a car or a house, but I understand why agencies want this information up front. We’ve also had to submit last year’s tax information, along with current pay stubs, proof of employment, and employer recommendation forms.
–Child Inventory Sheet: This was a really difficult form for us. It’s a checklist of what kinds of medical and criminal history we would accept in a birth parent as well as the different types of medical conditions we would or would not be comfortable with in a child. There are certain medical conditions we definitely do not feel like we are equipped to deal with at this point in our lives, but it’s easy to feel guilt or shame about saying “no” when, if we had a biological child with those needs, we would do all we possibly could to provide the best care for him or her. Also, it’s hard to know the degree of severity with some of these conditions at birth, so while some medical problems seem scary on paper, in reality, they might not be so bad in the long run. And then there’s fact that the more conditions or factors we are unwilling to accept, the longer it could take for us to be selected. So, we are keeping an open mind (with the exception of a few situations) and are prayerful that we will end up with a healthy child, or one can feel confidently about caring for regardless of health. Again, we had faith that God would provide the financial assistance we needed to pursue this adoption, so we are certain that he will be faithful to give us the child we are meant to parent.
–“Dear Expectant Parent” Letter: These next two items are works in progress! While I say the Child Inventory Sheet was difficult, I think the “Dear Expectant Parent” letter and Autobiography are the most stressful because these will make the first impressions on our future birth mother. This is a one page (front and back) letter that briefly introduces us to her, giving general information about our ages, jobs, hobbies, and hopes for the adoption process. It also includes color photographs of the two of us just doing life. It is soooooo hard choosing which photos to include (and to find recent pics of us without sunglasses–do you realize how many pics we take of ourselves in sunglasses?!). Also, I have ZERO creativity when it comes to design and formatting–my first attempt at arranging our photos was so bland and boring that I can’t imagine any person taking a second glance. Thankfully, I have a co-worker who is going to work her magic and help me design something pretty. 🙂
Oh and just a tidbit of info I recently read–many agencies refer to these letters as “Dear Birth Mother” letters; however, that term isn’t really the most appropriate because a mother doesn’t become a birth mother until after a placement has occurred. Often times, when a mother reads these letters, she is still trying to determine whether or not she truly wants to create an adoption plan for her child, so it’s presumptuous on the part of the adoptive parents to address her as such. Until then, she should be referred to as an “expectant mother”, just like any other pregnant mom. So, that was one edit I had to make to our letter!
–Autobiography: This will be given to an expecting mom after she reads our initial letter and decides she wants more information about us. Clayton and I each have to write a 3-page letter that outlines our significant aspects of our childhood–what our family dynamic was like, what we were like as children, more detailed explanations of our personalities and hobbies, how our family has influenced how we want to parent, etc. At first, I thought it would be hard to write three pages about myself, but then as I was thinking about everything I would want to know if trying to select parents for my child, I got a little long-winded. (Classic English teacher move.) So, that needs a little more editing before submission. We are excited, yet nervous about presenting ourselves on paper. I know we just need to be authentically ourselves, because no one is perfect–the agency and potential birth parents know this, too, but there’s so much doubt–are we too nerdy? Too “white”? Too boring? Surely, some potential birth mother will find us endearing, albeit dorky!
–Fingerprinting: Easy peasy. We are squeaky clean, so there shouldn’t be issues with those!
–Health Physical: We have physicals scheduled in a couple of weeks. Again, hopefully nothing crazy shows up, but we are decently healthy, apart from making bad food choices a lot of the time! Clayton recently had his weight and BMI taken for a weight-loss competition at work and he had the lowest out of the entire office. Of course he would. :-p But generally, I think agencies just want to make sure we don’t have any serious, long-term illnesses that could prohibit us from being able to parent a child long-term.
After these documents are approved by our agency, we will “officially” be accepted into their program and then will receive dates for our Home Study, which is a series of about 4 interviews (both individually and as a couple) that will delve even deeper into our marriage/family dynamic and how we plan to parent as a couple. I’m sure there will be a post dedicated to just the Home Study later down the road.
Anyway, some of that might have been TMI for you, but going into this process I really wasn’t sure what all we would be required to do. We like to think this info could be helpful to others who might be considering adoption themselves. So, thanks for reading our play-by-play! Take care, friends!
Waiting for Wakefield 